Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Work, schmirk

Since the beginning of July, Eric's division at work has mandated a set schedule of when their employees' days begin and end. Previously, for the past almost 9 years, his schedule has offered great flexiblity in that when he fulfills his 40 hour week, he's done. Most times he could knock that out in as little as 4 days, meaning bonus time at home and with the kids.

I've not been overly impressed with how his new work scheduled has panned for the overall function of our household morning routine. His day is now scheduled to begin at 7 a.m., and since our home is considered his home office, he must be out the door at that time. This is coming from a family who hadn't been accustom to waking up until just a little bit before 7:00, let alone, be up, clean, dressed and out the door. Because Eric is a hunter by nature, early mornings don't seem to bother him in the least. His wife on the other hand is NOT a morning person. But, this hasn't held me back from waking up an hour early to have myself completely ready for the day and still making time to accommodate the "unexpected's" the morning will surely bring. Once I'm ready, the kids gradually wake up and we go about our business to get ourselves out the door.

Do you want to know what I'm really having a problem with? I find myself more and more not wanting to go to work at all. At all. When I arrive at work, it sometimes feels more like trying to navigate a field of land mines abounding with attitude, superiority, depression and overall pissiness. That's some days. Other days, everyone is happy-go-lucky and just wants to be there to socialize. And really, I'm okay with both. I'm not in charge of anyone, I don't pay them from my payroll. I like a well-balanced, happy medium. Sometimes we have it, sometimes we hit rock bottom.
The biggest part of my general feelings toward work have centered around Lincoln and Elaina. Every single day, Elaina comes into our bedroom first thing in the morning and is a complete love doll. She is slow and sweet and gentle and loving and her mind is just exploding with the most awesome thoughts and ideas that she presents. And I love to watch her talk. Yes, I could watch her mouth move about her face for hours. There is nothing like seeing the sweet child you love so dearly talk so much like a grown-up but with words coming from the most tender baby face. And her voice. Don't even get me started on her voice. She cracks me up in the tone of voice she uses for even the silliest of things. And when she gets really serious, her voice gets really deep and low. Oh, how I can't wait for morning to come just for her to entertain me once again.
And really, would you think my morning would be even close to complete without my sweet Lincoln? When he wakes up, the first sign he gives me is pressing the music button on his crib aquarium. He'll lay in there just as quiet as a bug and suck his little thumb and play. When I slowly open the door with Elaina at my side, he POPS up and coos and smiles and sways back and forth against his railing so excited to see us. He is full of cuddly, warm hugs and just wants to be held and loved. Every morning I tell him I could spend the whole day just squeezing him. And I could. Lincoln wakes up happy and ready to explore the greatness that another day brings with it. The worst part for me comes when I change his clothes and see his little baby body that seems to have literally grown overnight into that of a toddler. Gone are the days of the little pudge-pudge legs and thick middle section. He's growing long and lean by the day. Even his face is losing the round-ish baby fat and growing more distinguished and handsome. Oh the pain of it all!Probably not unlike any other SAHM or WOTHM (working out of the home mom) I could give you a hundred reasons in favor of me continuing my career and another hundred reasons to quit tomorrow. At this point, I don't suspect that there will be any drastic career moves on my part and most likely I won't be able to wave my magic wand and change the grouchies into good at work. So, here I am. In the middle. Trying to savor my time with my kids and not let my work get me down. All the while, this non-morning person is trying to freeze and bottle all of the sweetness from my kids that holds me together each and every day.

Does anyone else have any magic that gets you motivated to do what you really don't feel like doing?

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