Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Parting Ways

Yesterday was a landmark of big decisions for me. None particularly life changing, but big nonetheless.

For the past 3 years, I've been going to see a chiropractor for a sprained sacro-illiac that had gone undiagnosed for 2 years after our loss of Ella. The chiropractor finally concluded that the sprain was my body's way of coping with the extraordinary amount of grief and suffering and the direct result of physical and emotional trauma. Put in relation to Ella's passing, enough said. Prior to seeing him for my pain, I had been consulted and/or treated by a physical therapist, neuro-muscular massage, podiatrist, and a physiatrist, all to no avail. The chiropractor was the very first to even begin to ease my pain in my side and in my back. Soon, weeks turned into months and months turned into years with an end result of my pain still not diminished and all of my leg muscles being shorter than ever. Until now, there didn't seem to be an end in sight for my bi-weekly office visits. Last night I entered his office with a different vibe. A need to move beyond what he could offer. He helped me to devise a stretching routine which I need to incorporate at least 10 minutes each day and I cancelled the remainder of my scheduled visits. Now, I just have to be willing to do my part and keep up my motivation. 10 minutes a day. I can do that. I have to do that.

Since I seemed to be on a roll of making big decisions yesterday, I confirmed my thoughts of quitting my venture as a Tastefully Simple consultant at the end of this year. My feelings of severing ties with this opportunity have weighed heavily on my mind for a few months now and I've taken much into consideration. I feel that I've given it a fair shot for over a year at that point and it's becoming an obstacle in my life. Part of me is saddened, yet a bigger part of me feels relieved. The parties and new connections have been fun as well as the discount on the food items which have treated my family very well. While I wasn't foolish enough to believe that I would become rich overnight, I've learned that it is not the money maker I had hoped it to be. In addition, I've found that it does require much of my so called "free-time" (you know, when I should be stretching) and I just feel that it has become more of a burden to find the motivation when it comes to paperwork and computer work when I would rather be blogging or spending time with my family.

Last night I felt a little sad. And a little bit bad. I have a lot of mixed emotions, most particularly toward my little business venture with TS. I guess that in the big picture, both my chiropractor and TS have been there when I needed that little something to make me feel good and productive and I have no regrets for either. With that I carried myself to bed into the arms of my sweet and supportive husband who didn't try to analyze, criticize or even coax me into rethinking or regretting my decision. When everything is said and done, my husband and my kids are really what always makes me feel my best and who make everything I do so worthwhile.

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