Tuesday, March 25, 2008

On my calendar

If you could see my wall calendar hanging in my kitchen you would know that it's jammed packed with colorful scribbled appointments and dates to remember. One such date that is highlighted and bold is March 24. It's not anyone's birthday that I know, it's not a holiday and it's unfortunately not another day off work. Hmmph. It is however, a day that will always be very special to Eric and myself. Exactly one year ago on a sunny, brisk Saturday afternoon, we met with Lincoln's birth mother. On March 24, we came to know a beautiful, intelligent young lady who ultimately confirmed her decision of choosing us to become her baby's family.

The day still seems so fresh and clear in my mind and I'll never forget my exact words to her, "Are you telling me that we're it? As in, we should start buying everything blue, picking out names and getting ready for our boy?" She offered an assured and confident "yes" with a smile on her face. It was that moment that feelings inside of me began to shift as I began to consider myself a mother of two. Just like I had always wanted and planned. We were about to become new parents of a baby boy. A BOY! For US!! I don't remember my feet even touching the ground that day.
Throughout our journey to becoming parents, there is so much I can say now, that I never thought my heart had the capacity to feel. I still cry and my heart still aches for our daughters, but God has a way of healing in such a way that I'm not bitter or angry. Even though I feel sadness, I remind myself that if it weren't for Ella and Ava, we would have never been blessed with Elaina and Lincoln. And since they are my whole world, I know this is and always was God's plan for us all. And isn't God good?

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