Weeks Like This

As I mentioned before (and then deleted) this week at work has been nothing but pure stress and irritation. The situation itself really isn't even worth the recap, however it did beckon me to do some soul searching and fine calculations with much consideration.

Since this blog is mostly dedicated to Elaina and Lincoln, I have tried to refrain from talking about my other job. You know, the one that takes me away from my little darlings from 8 - 5 each day. I haven't mentioned it before but I work for the county court system. I've had my same job since November, 1999. Just in case your not particularly familiar with county employment, let me share some highlights.

++ County perks = 12 paid holidays per calendar year.
++ County perks = Actually working only 7 hours with one hour paid lunch (30 min. commute, each way)
++ County perks = Awesome benefits, retirement, eligible for some retirement benefits after 10 years employment (after age 65)

-- County pains = Same as in any other job, just tack on a bonus 5 pains for the crap I dealt with this week.
-- County pains = I will never become rich working here

So back to my calculations. I took a closer look at the money that I earn verses what we pay out in child care. With the two figures spelled out in blue ink, I began to wonder why I go to work each day at all. If I stayed home and watched our kids and an additional two, I could just about break even with my current income. Suddenly my mind began to race. Excited ambivalence about being home with my kids all day, the thrill of not having to drive to work, sadness about missing my work friends, eagerness to take on a new challenge, doubt over my abilities, my kids becoming bored with me and missing Nancy, joy about leaving politics and other ignorant minutia behind me and all the while, feeling a sense of relief. A relief as in knowing that if I ever did want to leave my job, I always have a better offer waiting for me at home. The way I look at it is that working in or out of the home, I'm still going to get pooped on one way or another.

I like to have the feeling of the better offer still waiting for me at home with sweet smiles and tight hugs. I've put the idea in my back pocket for now. Just knowing that it's there is a pretty good feeling itself.